“I wish someone had told me that it’s OK, that there won’t always be a balance,” said Sgt. 1st Class Nancy Sánchez, enlisted separations noncommissioned officer, Nevada Army National Guard.
“Someone told me not to quit something in the middle of it being hard – the circumstances will always change,” said Cmdr. Alison Maruca, public affairs officer, Navy Reserve Command Naval Forces Japan.
Sánchez and Maruca, like nearly 58,000 other women in the reserve components, juggle motherhood with their career and other obligations. They’ve both found that open and transparent communication, preparation and acceptance of shifting priorities help them at home and at work.
For Sánchez, communication looks like a joint calendar so that she, her husband and their four kids can quickly see what everyone has going on. It’s also keeping her leadership informed of what support she needs, like being able to get in late after her kids’ school has a morning activity.
“Being a parent, being a working parent, and being a military parent, is not something you can achieve alone,” Maruca said. Communicate and be transparent with your leadership, your subordinates, your team at your civilian career, and of course, your family, the mom of three said, so everyone knows what you’re doing and can better support you and your career.
Sánchez and her husband, who is a guardsman and a school bus driver, work together to keep themselves and the children ready for the week. During the weekends they do meal planning and have the kids lay out their clothes for school.
“That way they can’t say they don’t have anything to wear,” she said.
Maruca tries to maximize the time that her kids are in school to do as much work as possible. On top of being a reservist, Maruca is a freelance writer and involved with a number of volunteer and social organizations on base. She’s also a commanding officer’s spouse; as such, she said she’s committed to making sure the families in her husband’s command are having a positive experience.
Preparation means that if Maruca has a last minute meeting or other obligation outside of school hours and her husband isn’t available, she knows who can watch her kids.
“I’m grateful for the friends we have here who I can ask to help out,” she said.
Earlier in Maruca’s career she had to go from Virginia to Maryland for a two-week class while her husband was deployed. She had recently given birth to her second child, so the older one stayed with her in-laws, or “Camp Grandma and Grandpa.” Maruca’s mother traveled with her to babysit the baby.
“It’s never easy. You have to ask for help and you have to put a lot of planning and forethought into making what you want happen,” she said.
And then it’s important to accept that priorities will shift constantly over the years.
“It’s like a seesaw,” said Sánchez.
At times she’s felt guilt for focusing on motherhood over her career and vice versa. But as she nears retirement, she’s ready to choose family time over going after promotions.
“Being in the reserves and being a parent in the reserves, you’re juggling a million different balls in the air at one time,” Maruca said. “You have to decide which ones are glass and will break if you drop one of them, and which ones are rubber.”
Maruca heard the analogy when her kids were young and it stuck with her, she said. It’s helped her keep things in perspective, so she shares it with other women.
